Can lesbians know if another woman is a lesbian?
- Thread starter heather
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I'm a lesbian and my wife is heavy. She's the stereotypical butch, heavy lesbian. When I first saw her picture, she had curly hair that came to the top of her shoulders and was the same weight. So, I guess I couldn't be completely sure she was gay but I just knew…. somehow, lol. And when she sent me a current picture her hair is like it is now, less than an inch. But to be honest, she couldn't tell by looking at me that I'm gay. I'm the femme (girl) type.
So, can I tell by looking at a butch woman that she's gay? Yes. It's obvious. When they start leaning towards the femme type it gets harder to tell. You have to rely on other signs…. One way for the world to know that you're gay is to do what I've done: I have a rainbow heart on my left inner wrist. It has a keyhole and the top curved part to match my wife’s rainbow key. I'm proud to be gay. The tattoo lets people know that I'm gay and I'm ok with it.
You have to put yourself out there to get approached. And that means opening yourself up to rejection. But hey, you win some you lose some, right? Try your local gay clubs. There are gay Facebook sites. Gay dating sites. And the best is word of mouth: ask your gay friends if they have any single friends who are open to meeting someone new. There will be someone for you. Trust me… The only one who will have a problem with your weight is YOU… I think my wife is hot just the way she is and I love her completely.
Lesbians know about as much as gay men can recognize other gay men. There is such a thing as gaydar (I think; not seen any studies, though that’s a great idea for communication majors!) but it really has much more to do with signals than with just “being.” For example, I know people who everyone thinks are lesbian/gay but aren’t; they just do certain stereotypical things.
As everyone says, lesbians like everyone else are a mixed bag of what they find attractive — and like everyone else, maybe surprised someday that someone who doesn’t fit is the one they’ve always wanted. Or not. I’m heavy and wouldn’t think of myself as attractive, but my blond, slender partner was hit on by people very high in the federal government (among others) fairly consistently. (Men who couldn’t tell she was a lesbian till she told them she had a girlfriend already, because of their own expectations for how lesbians look.) But I was the person she took the risk of coming out for.
I’d like also to point out that you might not have noticed when you were being hit on, since even now in some parts of the country (and world) hitting on a straight person of the same sex can be punished by death or being beaten up. Lesbians and gay men developed the habit of gay bars for a reason, just as 19-year-olds who want to connect go to clubs of a certain type. Men had complicated codes, such as colored bandanas.
So, don’t overthink, and just put yourself in situations where you might meet and make friends with people of varying sexualities.
As everyone says, lesbians like everyone else are a mixed bag of what they find attractive — and like everyone else, maybe surprised someday that someone who doesn’t fit is the one they’ve always wanted. Or not. I’m heavy and wouldn’t think of myself as attractive, but my blond, slender partner was hit on by people very high in the federal government (among others) fairly consistently. (Men who couldn’t tell she was a lesbian till she told them she had a girlfriend already, because of their own expectations for how lesbians look.) But I was the person she took the risk of coming out for.
I’d like also to point out that you might not have noticed when you were being hit on, since even now in some parts of the country (and world) hitting on a straight person of the same sex can be punished by death or being beaten up. Lesbians and gay men developed the habit of gay bars for a reason, just as 19-year-olds who want to connect go to clubs of a certain type. Men had complicated codes, such as colored bandanas.
So, don’t overthink, and just put yourself in situations where you might meet and make friends with people of varying sexualities.
Yes of course one lesbian known is another is a lesbian. Like, feel attracted to other women and feel confused because you're attracted to men as well as women. These feelings can be difficult to cope with but are all very normal. It can take time to work out how you feel about your sexuality. If you can get more information about lesbians then you check Nonchalant Ltd (Nonchalant Magazine). Here you can get updates on specific topics for Queer Women & Allies.
On most levels, the attraction is the same for men and women: Smart, thoughtful, funny, confident, considerate, and yes, physically attractive/sexy. For, as a bi woman, I’m really much more attracted to the quality of someone’s personality. If you’ve got that going on, I’ll probably manage to have fun with whatever you might have in your pants.
But since you’re asking specifically about women, I’ll tell you a few things that come to mind off the top of my head: soft skin, breasts, the curve of a woman’s hips/ass, hairless skin (not always exclusive to women, but more so), necks, pretty faces, etc.
Yes, there are female personality traits too, but I’m not sure I differentiate those traits from men: Yes, it’s attractive if a woman is compassionate, sensual, sensitive, etc., but I also find those traits attractive in men.
