Queer vs. Gay

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How does being queer differ from being gay?
Gay is a term that today is used mostly to describe homosexuals. It was at one time also used to refer to lesbians but even then, less so than male homosexuality.

Queer was originally a term of disregard and sometimes hate. Also, a term used primarily toward males. Lesbians caught a break, being women, they had no penis. No penis- no sex. No sex -no sin. Not to imply that they had it any easier but the real way for a lesbian to rile up the phobes was to dress as a man. That implied penis sure got their blood up.
 
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How does being queer differ from being gay?
Being gay specifically means that you are attracted to a person of the same gender as you. That definition can get a little sketchy when you take in non-binary people and the like, but that’s the general definition.

Queer just means, generally, that you’re just a person on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. So, you could be gay, or you could be a lesbian. There are trans people (those that don’t identify with the gender they were assigned at birth) that identify as queer.

Now, it also should be said that, to many people, the defining difference between Queer and Gay is that the former is a slur, while the latter is not. Queer is not something you should be using around just anyone, all willy-nilly, especially if you are not part of the LGBT community. There has been a push by the LGBT community to “take back” the word queer, so many people self-identify as such.

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This is not everyone and you should not be using this unless explicitly told by that person that you can use it when referring to them and only use it when referring to them.

It does not matter if your gay friend said you can call him queer. Calling the wrong person queer can lead you on the fast train to the friendly neighborhood dentist when they punch your teeth out.

“Queer” did a lot of harm back in the day. And still does to this day, and calling people this can illicit some passionate opposition that you should have known beforehand could possibly come up. The only reason I even use it here so “comfortably” (i.e. I don’t avoid using it) is because I myself am bisexual. I haven’t had this word thrown at me in a derogatory manner, and personally don’t mind identifying as that with other people in the community. Were a straight, cis-gendered person to call me queer, on the other hand, I might mind more.

Just, don’t, ok? Like, for the sake of your dentist bills, if nothing else, don’t use queer. Gay works. Trans person works. “Bi” works.

You’ve got a treasure trove of words to use. This is one we’re asking you not to.
 
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How does being queer differ from being gay?
Well, the word queer some people just use this word as a placeholder while they’re trying to figure out their complicated sexuality and sometimes gender identity. sometimes people will describe themselves as queer after sexual attraction and romantic attraction doesn’t line up yes there are some people who are romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women. Or the reverse of that romantically attracted to women but sexually attracted to men and these people might use queer to describe that instinctive behavior about them or they’re not too sure if they can call themselves gay or straight through, they called themselves queer.

so the big difference between queer and gay would be gay is very simply someone who is sexually and or romantically attracted to the same gender and queer could be a placeholder while someone has to figure themselves out for their sexual and romantic attraction don’t line up but at the same time, someone who is gay might not like the term because they were bullied a lot during childhood with the term gay and they might prefer to label themselves as queer even though they are just simply a gay as in homosexual or homo romantic.

for me personally, you could use the word queer to describe my sexuality pacifically but I personally wouldn’t because I understand exactly what I’m into I’m bisexual but I have a thing for femininity and other traits that I look for any romantic partner is easier to find in women. So, unless you didn’t know that I was actually bisexual you may mistake me for some sort of “queer lesbian”. Or maybe am a queer bisexual. Because I clearly do you have a preference for women even though I’m not a strictly lesbian.
 

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