Secretly attracted to you?
- Thread starter Mooncup
- Start date
This is extremely commonplace for males. What is less common is that you’re able to rationally think about it. Most men think ANY woman who is nice to them is interested in them. This is why waitresses, baristas, and other service people face a lot of sexual harassment from the people they serve.
So how do you *know*?
You can look up sexual signaling (hand on the forearm, flipping hair, lack of eye contact then direct eye contact) …but even that can be weirdly confusing.
Just ask. Rejection sucks but in Western society the males traditionally do the initial contact and thus face a lot of rejection. Don’t take it personally, because it’s not. Sometimes WE don’t know why we’re not into someone despite the fact that they’re physically attractive and nice. It can be as subtle as you smell wrong to us. No ‘spark’. Or a kiss can decide it. There’s a lot of biology at play we’re not conscious of.
If you’re brave and bold and use your words to communicate and ask…and don’t play games…you’ll do well.
Well, you have to pay attention to a few important signs.
- Eye contact- look at their pupils. Are they dilated? How often do they look at you?
- Look at proximity when they’re next to you. If they’re in your personal space, then that’s a pretty good sign.
- Look at mirroring actions. When someone finds you attractive, they’re going to actually copy what you’re doing without even knowing they’re doing it.
- Look at the hands. Is he closed off?
- Are his thumbs hooked when he puts his hands in his pockets? Usually, guys will do this to emphasize their manhood.
- What about open-ended questions? Are they super personal?
- Look at their foot positioning. If they’re facing you directly, then that’s a good thing.
Because the attraction is secret, unless the person is a bad actor, there is really no way to know. If you take the word secret away, the signs of attraction are well documented and at times obvious.
But, let's say you did suspect a secret attraction. The only method I can come up with would be to act as if you were attracted to the person. I suspect if attraction was present before, then making the attraction seem reciprocal would do something. Like calling someone's hand in poker. It would be an unexpected change in the script. Show me your cards.
This is one of those things that are either obvious or not.
I would first ask, and if they say no, take it with a grain of salt. Instead, look at their actions, actions speak louder than words.
Why do they smile constantly when they are around you? Do they want to stand closer to you (sometimes a little too close)? What about those accidental touches? Do they act nervous and fidget? Do they start talking in riddles and use you and him/her hypothetically like, “Say you and I start to fall in love.”
Do they like to hang around you a lot? Do they like to text you constantly, especially with pictures of puppies and kittens? Do they complement you…a lot? Do they glace at you when they think you aren’t looking, then glace down when you look their way?
He also does not constantly look at his phone either. He would rather talk with you and ask you too many questions.
