I have had an idea that something was wrong since I was 11, but when I mentioned my feelings to my sister she was very firmly set against it. So I haven't really spoken about this topic for 15 years, but I'm desperate to feel normal.
I haven't started transitioning yet, as I'm not in a place where I can do this, but I know that I both want to and must.
Anyway, just some background. Back to the question:
1) I don't like meeting people, because I don't what them to know about my assigned gender. The fewer people that know me before I transition the better, this has been my mindset. So I don't really have many friends or social life.
2) I work in a male-dominated field, and so I have guys running to help me carry things *I don't need the help btw* or referring to me as the girl, or calling to me with "Hey Ms." instead of "Hey Dude." I try not to let it bother me, but it's almost brought me to tears a few times as it's just a constant reminder of my gender.
3) Also, I want a relationship, but that seems impossible. I've met some good people, but the moment they begin to treat me like a woman, I just can't deal. I've never had sex, even though I want to, because I don't want to be touched like a girl, and I don't think I would enjoy it frankly because I hate my body so much and the parts are just wrong.
If you have any tips or methods to deal with any of this, please let me know. If none of this can really be solved until I transition that's fair. I'm just afraid to wait. If I keep sealing myself off from the world I'm worried that I'll have no life to look forward to and probably die alone which I'd prefer not to do. I'm just tired of being sad and depressed.
Thank you for listening.
I haven't started transitioning yet, as I'm not in a place where I can do this, but I know that I both want to and must.
Anyway, just some background. Back to the question:
1) I don't like meeting people, because I don't what them to know about my assigned gender. The fewer people that know me before I transition the better, this has been my mindset. So I don't really have many friends or social life.
2) I work in a male-dominated field, and so I have guys running to help me carry things *I don't need the help btw* or referring to me as the girl, or calling to me with "Hey Ms." instead of "Hey Dude." I try not to let it bother me, but it's almost brought me to tears a few times as it's just a constant reminder of my gender.
3) Also, I want a relationship, but that seems impossible. I've met some good people, but the moment they begin to treat me like a woman, I just can't deal. I've never had sex, even though I want to, because I don't want to be touched like a girl, and I don't think I would enjoy it frankly because I hate my body so much and the parts are just wrong.
If you have any tips or methods to deal with any of this, please let me know. If none of this can really be solved until I transition that's fair. I'm just afraid to wait. If I keep sealing myself off from the world I'm worried that I'll have no life to look forward to and probably die alone which I'd prefer not to do. I'm just tired of being sad and depressed.
Thank you for listening.
