Friends with a straight woman?
- Thread starter jenn
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For me, not really. I have very specific tastes for those to whom I get attracted. Because of this, I would never date the vast majority of the girls I meet.
However, I do share a ton of common interests with plenty of the girls around me. For those that I'm not attracted to, this can mean I'm a persistent and loyal friend. I can even be friends with someone I am attracted to (gasp)! I'd say this is because I've received my fair share of unwanted advances, and if someone says they're not interested, I believe them and respect that.
One of the best cures for unrequited attraction is to get to know someone better. This usually lands me with more friends. So yeah- not hard at all most of the time.
However, I do share a ton of common interests with plenty of the girls around me. For those that I'm not attracted to, this can mean I'm a persistent and loyal friend. I can even be friends with someone I am attracted to (gasp)! I'd say this is because I've received my fair share of unwanted advances, and if someone says they're not interested, I believe them and respect that.
One of the best cures for unrequited attraction is to get to know someone better. This usually lands me with more friends. So yeah- not hard at all most of the time.
It can get lonely, especially if all your friends are straight. But hard? Not really. It's hard to be friends with someone who is an asshole but also happens to be straight. It's relatively easy to be friends with someone who is genuine and nice but also happens to be straight.
It's sometimes lonely because you feel you don't have an outlet. You can't talk to your girlfriends about girls because they don't like girls. There's also the experience of homophobia that straight women usually don't have. It can take a toll on you mentally if you feel you don't have anyone to whom you can relate. But unless your ENTIRE friend group is nothing but straight girls, you likely have Queer friends to relate to and have a jolly good time with.
TL; DR
If you don't have any other friends that like girls, you may get lonely, but being friends with a person who just so happens to be straight isn't “hard” unless one of you makes it so.
It's sometimes lonely because you feel you don't have an outlet. You can't talk to your girlfriends about girls because they don't like girls. There's also the experience of homophobia that straight women usually don't have. It can take a toll on you mentally if you feel you don't have anyone to whom you can relate. But unless your ENTIRE friend group is nothing but straight girls, you likely have Queer friends to relate to and have a jolly good time with.
TL; DR
If you don't have any other friends that like girls, you may get lonely, but being friends with a person who just so happens to be straight isn't “hard” unless one of you makes it so.
I think I might need to add more details to this question to avoid offending anyone. I recently made friends with a woman at work. We started talking about it late last year but we started getting closer about 4 months ago. When we started talking, I didn't know that she dated women.
I am a woman who has only ever dated men. I have a child and I am in a relationship with a man. However, as I was getting to know her, I found myself getting more and more attracted to her. I talk and think about her all the time but I know that there isn't anything I can do about it. She is such a nice person and I don't want to bring my drama into her life but it is really hard to be around her because I want to kiss her and even do more. We have this amazing connection and as hard as it is to be around her, I would rather do it because I absolutely love talking to her.
Before she mentioned, literally this week, that she dated women, it was much easier to ignore my feelings because I could tell myself that she wasn't interested. However, after hearing about this it's much harder to keep my feelings to me because as I mentioned earlier, I refuse to bring my drama (possibly bi-curious, mother, in a relationship with a man that I broke up with after I found out he cheated on me but went back to, to try one more time because we have a child together). That is not fair to her.
In the question, I asked about a lesbian but I am not even sure if she identifies as a lesbian or bisexual, she was just talking about a woman she dated. I don't think it’s my place to give her a label when she hasn't assigned herself one.
I, myself, wouldn't label my sexuality because I had a real emotional dilemma when I was in high school, I had a crush on a friend and I thought I might be a lesbian. I even considered suicide because I come from a black family with a strict and judgmental religious mother. I suppressed those feelings for a long time and I went out with 1 guy for 13 years. The relationship wasn't necessarily the healthiest one but he just felt familiar, so I stayed. I have had many lesbians ask me out in the space of those 13 years but I didn't feel the same way. I didn't really know them and it was easier to use my relationship as a scapegoat. I haven't thought about a woman in this light or felt such strong feelings for another woman until I met this woman and it is very hard. I am considering putting some distance between them but I don't want her to think that it is because of what she revealed to about her sexuality.
I am a woman who has only ever dated men. I have a child and I am in a relationship with a man. However, as I was getting to know her, I found myself getting more and more attracted to her. I talk and think about her all the time but I know that there isn't anything I can do about it. She is such a nice person and I don't want to bring my drama into her life but it is really hard to be around her because I want to kiss her and even do more. We have this amazing connection and as hard as it is to be around her, I would rather do it because I absolutely love talking to her.
Before she mentioned, literally this week, that she dated women, it was much easier to ignore my feelings because I could tell myself that she wasn't interested. However, after hearing about this it's much harder to keep my feelings to me because as I mentioned earlier, I refuse to bring my drama (possibly bi-curious, mother, in a relationship with a man that I broke up with after I found out he cheated on me but went back to, to try one more time because we have a child together). That is not fair to her.
In the question, I asked about a lesbian but I am not even sure if she identifies as a lesbian or bisexual, she was just talking about a woman she dated. I don't think it’s my place to give her a label when she hasn't assigned herself one.
I, myself, wouldn't label my sexuality because I had a real emotional dilemma when I was in high school, I had a crush on a friend and I thought I might be a lesbian. I even considered suicide because I come from a black family with a strict and judgmental religious mother. I suppressed those feelings for a long time and I went out with 1 guy for 13 years. The relationship wasn't necessarily the healthiest one but he just felt familiar, so I stayed. I have had many lesbians ask me out in the space of those 13 years but I didn't feel the same way. I didn't really know them and it was easier to use my relationship as a scapegoat. I haven't thought about a woman in this light or felt such strong feelings for another woman until I met this woman and it is very hard. I am considering putting some distance between them but I don't want her to think that it is because of what she revealed to about her sexuality.
